So, this past holiday weekend I spent some time with my family, hanging out and chatting. One of my cousins is moving to South Carolina with his girlfriend (nice young girl) and he said some things I heard often growing up, going through college, and well into my adult life. Heck, I’ve even said them in my past, but after marrying and growing up a bit (mentally and spiritually) I made the decision that I wouldn’t think that way. Here’s some of the things said:
“As long as I don’t touch, I can look all I want”
“I’m not cheating by looking”
You can add the things you’ve heard or even said to that short list if you’d like, but it all boils down to one thing: looking lustfully at anyone other than your own girlfriend or wife hurts her and your relationship with her. I’m not talking from any religious standpoint here. I’m talking from a worldly view from both my own as well as other’s experiences. You can think all you want that what goes on inside your head doesn’t hurt others, but it wears away at your relationship. It takes your focus away from your wife or girlfriend and puts it on someone who isn’t yours to think about.
That’s why in this article, I’m going to teach you something very simple. However, I’m not going to say it’ll be easy, but if you’re walking on that ledge and want to jump into a better, healthier relationship with your partner AND yourself, then practice this techique often:
BOUNCE YOUR EYES!
I must admit, I got this technique from an awesome book Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker titled Every Man’s Battle. When I say this technique is simple, I mean it’s simple:
- When you see something that might tempt you, you’ll know it immediately. This counts for people, print ads, billboards, tv ads or shows, movies, etc.
- Quickly bounce your eyes to something else. If that new person/object might tempt you, keep bouncing until you land on something that doesn’t.
- Avoid situations that will cause temptation. For example, avoid going to Hooters (cause really their food isn’t all that good, and you can get the wings to-go). Also, ask your partner to remove the Victoria’s Secret catalogues from your access.
You want to know how I know that you have these problems? It’s because all men produce testosterone, which causes our lustful feelings. So, outside of hormone therapy (I don’t suggest it), we must train our mind and our eyes to move to something that won’t cause them to think impure thoughts.
For example, today my wife and I were running at a track. A young woman (in her 20’s, as am I) happened to be running in the lane ahead of me (about 30 yards ahead). I found her attractive, and battled briefly with the thought of saying nothing and honing in my eyes to her body as we ran. However, I made the choice to tell my wife that I should go to the next lane over so she wouldn’t be in my direct line of site. That little 3 foot shift helped tremendously! I was able to focus my eyes straight ahead while running and had to fight far less often when they thought to wander. This example shows both avoiding tempting situations as well as bouncing the eyes away from something (someone) tempting).
After leaving the track (we ran home), an SUV crossed our path with a father and teenage son inside. The father was driving and wearing sunglasses, but was clearing oggling my wife. I thought 2 things: 1) yeah, my wife’s still hot and 2) that creepy old guy with his son in the passenger seat thinks his sunglasses are hiding his eyes, but his head following my wife as he drives by doesn’t lie. Now, I don’t think I want other men thinking of themselves with my wife, and that gets me to understand more about why I should respect women. Either they are someone else’s wife/girlfriend or eventually they will be some day. Every Man’s Battle explains that “they’re not yours”.
The next post on this topic will be directed to the wives and girlfriends to encourage you to assist your man, and other men, with this battle. Believe me, all men go through this battle (the ones with testosterone I guess), so he’s not a pervert just because of his natural tendencies. However, it’s up to him to help train his eyes to bounce away from temptation and prove he can overcome his instincts!