Do you work with someone who looks or smells unprofessional every day? Do you wish you could be like them?
I’ve compiled a quick list to help you to be as unprofessional as possible:
- Either don’t shave, or miss a couple hairs if you do. If you’re lucky, you’re the type whose facial hair grows very sporadically, so not shaving means inch-long hairs in random places!
- Make sure you don’t wear deodorant. The musky smell of body odor is natural, so it must be good!
- Don’t comb your hair. That cowlick looks AWESOME!
- Keep your clothes near your kitchen. This way, last night’s cooking will attach its pleasant odor to your dress shirts, and you can enjoy the smell all day. You can even share the smell of turmeric or tomatoes with your coworkers!
- Don’t brush your teeth. Those crazies who brush their teeth before work just aren’t living frugally, right?
- Be proud of your tattoos! Wear those shirts short enough to show off that angel or “T-bone” on your lower back (any 7th Heaven fans out there?)
- Oh, and women, make sure you wear low-rise pants. Your male coworkers will appreciate it!
- Women, wear big hoop earrings. Men, just wear earrings. Nothing like turning your head and getting smacked by a few ounces of fake gold. It’ll keep you awake!
- Men, wear socks and sandals to client meetings. Or, just sandals, no socks! Be proud of your feet. Ignore that every other man you’ve ever met in the boardroom has worn closed shoes. It’s comfortable and snazzy!
- Wear white socks and too-high pants. I don’t mean just pants that ride up when you sit down and show off your Champion socks. I mean showing them off when you’re standing up too! Plus, your pants are protected during a flood.
My own special anecdotes:
- A former coworker wore black socks and sandals because “they’re comfortable”, even after he was aware what his bosses thought of the idea. And when it rained and his socks got wet, he utilized the office air conditioner/heater to dry them out! Now that’s dedicated.
- A subcontractor on my current contract owns his own company. The first client meeting when we all met, he attended personally. He has earrings; one in each ear. He’s 50 years old. That’s not silly. It’s fashionable!
Now that you have an idea of what looking and smelling unprofessional entails, perhaps you can add some of your own methods being unprofessional? Leave a comment!
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