What you think about adoption, and what we’re doing about it
It’s been about 3 weeks since I issued our first-ever opinion poll here at Clever Dude. I asked all of you what you thought about Natural Birth vs. Adoption, and the results were very encouraging!
36% of you want to adopt and 12% are adopted or have adopted and want to adopt (again)!
For various reasons, some given as comments, 28% of you don’t think adoption is right for you. For some, it’s just not the right time in your life, but you haven’t ruled out the option in the future.
Now, for laughs, I added the options “Adoption is bad. Natural birth only!” (7%) and “Everyone must stop having babies!” (17%). Sometimes I do think people should just stop having babies, but that’s only when I meet some ill-equipped or unprepared parents who can’t discipline their children properly. The feeling passes eventually though.
What have we been up to?
Stacie and I actually attended an adoption expo in Salisbury, MD, a couple weeks ago and really enjoyed ourselves. The turnout was light as it was the first ever expo for this group, but we learned a wealth of information about domestic and international adoption directly from the source: adoption agencies.
We’re leaning towards a domestic adoption (for our first adoption), but would consider international for a second (or third!) child. Actually, at this time, a number of countries have closed their process to new adoptions as they rework their systems.
Given the costs of international adoption ($20,000-45,000) versus domestic adoption ($10,000-20,000), we’d like to keep the costs low for the first one. Also, the combination of the $11,000 adoption federal tax credit and my wife’s company’s benefits ($7,500) would cover most or all of our own costs. Also, Maryland has a state tax credit, but we haven’t looked into the amount and restrictions yet.
As we progress through the process, I’ll write about our experiences and lessons learned, and even answer any questions that you submit. Hold on, cause I know we’re in for a heck of a ride!
To be honest I would never want to adopt. Even if I were sterile I would want them to like extract my DNA and make a test tube baby! hehe.
Hate to burst any bubbles of hope for perfection, but I would bet everything I have that all new parents are ill-equiped and unprepared.
Read everything you like, take all the child rearing classes you want, it won’t prepare you. Each and every child is unique and each and every situation you encounter and “mood” is different. There were times I wanted to run and hide from my first born. Yet, the next 2 were a breeze in the beginning.
No 2 kids respond the same to disciple. I have found and most parents will agree with me, you have to fine tune your disciple style to match the child, not your style.
Kids are the eye opener to truth.
Just don’t want you to think you will have a text book child. You will have a REAL child.
@D
Oh, no no no. I didn’t intend that we’d be perfect parents, or even any better than most out there. My problem is with parents who just are not mentally ready for kids, and probably never will be.
For example, my aunt has adopted 2 babies (now in their mid-teens). However, she was, is and always will be very selfish with her own time. She just wants the kids to hit 18 and get out of her house. She just yells out of frustration and doesn’t want to listen to anyone’s advice (friends, family, doctors, psychiatrists, etc.).
I did not intend the average parent. My parents did a great job with me when I’m sure I was an “accident”. They understood what their responsibility was, even if it meant they couldn’t be totally free newlyweds anymore.
Why is adoption so expensive? Do you know the breakdown of the costs associated? I am just confused why so much money is needed to adopt when there are so many children in the system that need a loving home. I am pretty sure that there are many folks out there who aren’t able to conceive and would probably welcome the adoption option with open arms but don’t have $10-$20K just lying around.
Dimples, look for a post tomorrow to answer your question (at least as much as I am able).
I was an adopted child and I think I grew up ok 🙂
Not normally a topic I comment on, but I have 2 adopted Chinese sisters. And my mom is pretty well known in the Chinese adoption community. If you have any questions about adoption and Chinese adoption she has the answer or knows the person who does. Check out her blog at http://savvythinker.com