Why Telling Men to ‘Open Up’ Isn’t Working
In a world that’s finally acknowledging the importance of mental health, one phrase has become a favorite: “Men need to open up more.” It’s well-intentioned and, on the surface, a welcome change from the age-old “man up” mentality. But there’s a growing disconnect—many men aren’t responding the way people expect. Despite encouragement to be vulnerable, many still stay silent or retreat even further. The truth is, telling men to “open up” isn’t working the way it should—and here’s why.
1. It Feels Like a One-Way Street
When men do open up, they often don’t receive the empathy or support they were promised. Instead, some report being met with discomfort, judgment, or even ridicule. Whether it’s a romantic partner, a friend, or a stranger online, the emotional response they get often doesn’t match the vulnerability they offered. This kind of reaction teaches them to shut down rather than share. Without genuine, consistent support, the call to “open up” rings hollow.
2. Society Still Punishes Male Vulnerability
We may be saying all the right things about men and mental health, but the reality is less forgiving. Men who express sadness, fear, or uncertainty often face backlash at work, in relationships, and even among friends. They’re still told to “toughen up,” “stop complaining,” or “act like a man.” These messages are subtle but deeply embedded, making it hard for men to trust that their openness won’t be used against them. Until society stops punishing vulnerability, men will continue to protect themselves by staying quiet.
3. There’s No Safe Space to Actually Do It
It’s easy to tell men to talk more—but where are they supposed to go? Many don’t feel comfortable crying at work, breaking down in public, or even opening up to their partner without fear of being seen as weak. Men’s groups and therapy are slowly becoming more accepted, but there’s still a massive gap in accessible, judgment-free spaces for emotional expression. Without a place to open up, the advice becomes just another unrealistic expectation. People need a safe environment, not just permission.
4. It’s Often Framed As a Fix-It Tool for Relationships
In romantic relationships, men are frequently told to open up, not for their own healing, but to save the relationship. The conversation becomes less about his emotional well-being and more about making the other person feel secure or connected. This turns emotional vulnerability into a performance instead of a process. When a man senses that his feelings are only welcome if they fix something, it becomes transactional, not therapeutic. True vulnerability can’t thrive under pressure to “solve” something else.
5. Emotional Expression Looks Different for Men
Not all men process emotions the same way, and not all emotional expression looks like crying or long heart-to-hearts. For some, vulnerability might show up as quiet reflection, acts of service, or opening up through action, not words. Telling men to “talk about their feelings” often ignores these different emotional languages. When they don’t follow the expected script, their efforts are dismissed. But recognizing diverse emotional styles could change how we support men for the better.
6. The Message Is Still Coming From the Outside
Much of the pressure for men to open up comes from others—partners, media, society—not from within. While support is essential, real change happens when men feel empowered to define emotional strength on their own terms. Being told how to feel or express emotion can feel like just another form of control. Until men are included in shaping the conversation around emotional health, the message will feel like another demand, not a movement they can own. The shift needs to come from both sides.
Vulnerability Needs to Be Earned, Not Demanded
Telling men to open up without first creating trust, safety, and understanding is like asking someone to run barefoot across broken glass. It’s not that men don’t want to talk—it’s that many don’t feel like anyone’s truly listening. Emotional honesty can’t be forced or demanded; it has to be welcomed, nurtured, and protected. If we really want men to open up, we need to make space for it, not just ask for it. When vulnerability feels safe, it finally becomes possible.
Do you think society supports men’s emotional health the right way? Have you ever tried to open up and felt dismissed? Share your thoughts in the comments—we want to hear your story.
Read More
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Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.