Threatening Language: 9 Words You Should Remove From Your Vocabulary If You Want Him to Stay
The language you use when you are speaking to someone can make a huge difference in your relationship. Certain words can actually create distance and make your partner feel like they are being attacked. Communication is key to any healthy relationship, but you should really watch the language you use. These nine words might actually run your partner off in the long run.
1. “Always”
In an argument, you should avoid using words like “always.” It can make your partner feel like they are constantly failing when you say things like “You always ignore my texts” or “You always forget to take out the trash.” Ultimately, this language will make them feel defensive. Work on replacing “always” with “sometimes.” For instance, “Sometimes you forget to respond to my texts” or “Sometimes you forget to take out the trash and it’s frustrating for me.”
2. “Never”
Like “always,” using “never” creates an extreme and unfair generalization. Saying “You never listen to me” or “You never plan anything special” can be discouraging. Even if your partner makes mistakes, labeling them as completely failing in an area isn’t productive. This word makes him feel hopeless like nothing he does will ever be good enough. Try to acknowledge the effort he does put in and express your needs in a way that encourages change. “I really appreciate it when you listen, and I’d love it if we could work on that more” is a better approach.
3. “Should”
Telling your partner what they “should” do can come across as controlling or judgmental. Statements like “You should know how I feel” or “You should be more romantic” create pressure and resentment. Instead of framing things as obligations, try expressing your desires as personal feelings. Say, “It would mean a lot to me if…” or “I’d really appreciate it if you…” to invite collaboration rather than resistance.
4. “Whatever”
For my marriage, there’s nothing that will set my wife off more than the word “whatever.” It might seem harmless, but it shows the other person that you simply don’t care. Additionally, it shuts down communication altogether. Rather than saying this, you should do your best to express your feelings in a clear way. Try saying something like “I need a moment to think about this.” It keeps the conversation open.
5. “Fine”
They say that if a woman says she is just “fine” to run in the opposite direction. When you’re obviously upset, saying you’re “fine” will only create confusion and frustration in your relationship. Avoid shutting down and just be honest about what’s really bothering you. If you really need time to process the conversation say something like “I’m feeling overwhelmed, but I’d like to talk about it later.” Open communication prevents misunderstandings and resentment from building up.
6. “Nothing”
When your partner asks, “What’s wrong?” and you reply with “Nothing,” it can feel like a trap. He knows something is wrong, but now he has to guess what it is. This creates tension and makes open communication difficult. Instead of saying “nothing,” try to express what’s really on your mind. Even if you’re not ready to talk, saying “I need a little time to process this” keeps things transparent.
7. “But”
Using “but” in a sentence can erase everything positive that came before it. Saying “I love you, but you’re driving me crazy” makes the compliment feel meaningless. “But” often signals a contradiction, making your partner feel like there’s always a catch. Instead, try using “and” to keep the conversation balanced. Saying “I love you, and I’m feeling a little frustrated right now” keeps both statements valid.
8. “If You Loved Me”
This phrase is a guilt trip disguised as an emotional plea. Saying “If you loved me, you’d do this for me” manipulates your partner into proving their love. True love shouldn’t require ultimatums or conditions. Instead, express what you need without making love feel like a test. Say, “I feel really loved when you do this for me” to encourage the behavior you want.
9. “Divorce” (or “Breakup”)
Throwing around the words “divorce” or “breakup” in the heat of an argument can be extremely damaging. Even if you don’t mean it, it plants seeds of doubt and insecurity in your relationship. Saying, “Maybe we should just break up” makes your partner question whether the relationship is stable. Instead of using these words as a weapon, focus on problem-solving. If you’re upset, say, “I’m feeling really hurt right now, and I need to talk about this.”
Choose Your Words Wisely
Your choice of words can have a profound impact on your relationship. It can either build your connection or tear it down. If you make a conscious effort to change the language you use, it can make your significant other feel more secure and loved in your relationship. So, be more mindful about the words you are using. Everything you say impacts your partner.
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Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.