The Parent Trap: Never Tell Your Parent These 8 Things About Your Relationship (They Will Not Forget or Forgive)
Your parents should want what’s best for you, and when their children grow up, they typically enjoy being in the loop about your love life. However, they don’t need to know everything. Some details can do damage if shared with your parents. They can change the way they see your partner and even the way they see you. You might be venting, but it can go wrong fast. So, keep these eight things to yourself. They won’t strengthen your relationship!
1. Every Fight You Have
It’s never a good idea to talk to your parents about every fight you have with your significant other. Your parents won’t be able to forget some of the hurtful details of what you share, especially if you were hurt in the process. Even if you’ve forgiven your partner, they’ll remember it all. If you are sharing every argument with them, it can make them resent your partner after a while. Not to mention, it also invites them to weigh in on your relationship, making future disagreements even more complicated.
2. That They Didn’t Like Your Partner at First
If your parents initially had doubts about your partner but later warmed up to them, don’t remind them of their past concerns. Bringing up their first impressions can reopen old wounds and make them second-guess their change of heart. Even if they now love your significant other, they might start looking for flaws they previously ignored. This can create tension and unnecessary scrutiny in your relationship. Instead, let them enjoy their current dynamic without reminding them of their past doubts.
3. Personal Details About Their Past Relationships
Your partner’s past relationships are not your parents’ business, and bringing them up can lead to unfair comparisons. Parents tend to see past relationships as baggage rather than life experiences, which can create unnecessary judgment. They may start questioning your partner’s intentions, commitment, or history, even if those past relationships have no impact on your own. If they learn too much, they might use that information against your partner in the future. Keep the focus on the relationship you have now, rather than past ones that no longer matter.
4. How Much Money Your Partner Makes
Parents often have strong opinions about financial stability, and sharing your partner’s income can open the door to criticism. If they think your partner makes too little, they may worry about your financial future and pressure you to find someone “better.” If they earn a lot, your parents might expect extravagant gifts, financial help, or judge how the money is spent. Money talk often leads to unwanted opinions about your lifestyle, spending habits, or even your partner’s career choices. Avoid giving them numbers—just assure them that you’re financially stable as a couple.
5. Every Time You’ve Thought About Breaking Up
Temporary doubts and rough patches happen in every relationship, but your parents don’t need to know about them. If you share every moment of uncertainty, they’ll assume your relationship is unstable—even if you’re happy now. They may start looking for signs that you should leave, even when you’re fully committed. This can create long-term tension between your partner and your family, making it difficult for them to accept your relationship. Once you tell them you considered breaking up, they’ll always wonder if you should have.
6. Private Relationship Struggles
Some things should remain between you and your partner, especially intimate or deeply personal issues. Whether it’s mismatched intimacy needs, trust concerns, or communication struggles, your parents don’t need to be involved. Once you share these issues, they may feel entitled to monitor your relationship and offer ongoing, unwanted advice. Worse, they may judge your partner based on temporary problems rather than the full picture of your relationship. Instead of turning to your parents, consider talking to a therapist or trusted friend who can provide unbiased guidance.
7. That Your Partner Doesn’t Like Them
Even if your partner struggles with your parents, it’s not a good idea to tell them directly. Once they know, it can create permanent tension, making family gatherings awkward and uncomfortable. They might retaliate by treating your partner differently or making things difficult for both of you. This can also put you in the middle, forcing you to constantly mediate between the two sides. Instead of sharing negative feelings, encourage both parties to focus on mutual respect and common ground.
8. Comparisons Between Them and Your Partner
Telling your parents that your partner does things “better” or “worse” than they did can create resentment. If you say your partner is more supportive, more loving, or more patient than they were, it may feel like an attack. On the other hand, if you compare your partner unfavorably, they might feel validated in their criticism. Either way, these comparisons can damage relationships and make family interactions more stressful. Focus on appreciating both your parents and your partner for their unique roles in your life.
Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid
When it comes to sharing things with your parents about your relationship, you don’t need to tell them everything. Your relationship is yours to manage, not theirs. Once they discover some of the details of your relationship, they won’t be able to forgive and forget. Ultimately, it’s important to keep private matters private. It will protect your relationship with your partner and your parents.
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Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.