The Double Standard: Why No One Talks About Abused Men
When we talk about abuse, the narrative often centers around women—and rightly so, as they face high rates of domestic violence. But there’s a rarely discussed side of the story: abused men. Despite thousands of cases each year, male victims often suffer in silence due to stigma, disbelief, or outright ridicule. Society doesn’t offer the same empathy, support, or visibility for men facing abuse, and that silence can be devastating. It’s time we face the uncomfortable truth—abuse has no gender, and men deserve to be heard too.
1. Society Still Sees Men as Invulnerable
One of the biggest reasons abused men stay silent is because society has conditioned them to be “strong,” “stoic,” and emotionally detached. The idea that a man could be overpowered or manipulated by a woman doesn’t fit the outdated script of masculinity. This makes it difficult for male victims to come forward without fear of judgment or shame. Instead of getting support, they’re often met with disbelief or laughter. This toxic mindset keeps countless men trapped in silence and suffering.
2. Abuse Isn’t Always Physical—And That Matters
When people think of abuse, they often imagine bruises and black eyes. But for many abused men, the harm comes in the form of psychological manipulation, emotional degradation, and financial control. These forms of abuse are harder to prove and even harder to admit. A man constantly being insulted, threatened, or controlled may not even realize he’s in an abusive relationship. Just because the wounds aren’t visible doesn’t mean they aren’t real—or deeply damaging.
3. The Legal System Isn’t Built to Protect Men
In cases of domestic disputes, men are often automatically seen as the aggressor—even when they’re the victim. Protective orders, custody battles, and police interventions frequently work against men simply because of gender bias. If a man calls the police after being hit, he’s still more likely to be arrested than the person who hit him. This creates a chilling effect, discouraging men from reporting abuse or seeking legal help. Justice should be blind, but too often, it isn’t.
4. There’s a Lack of Support Services for Male Victims
Shelters, hotlines, and support programs overwhelmingly focus on female victims, which leaves abused men with few options. Even when men do seek help, they’re often told those resources aren’t available to them or don’t feel safe using them. Many shelters don’t accept male victims, and some service providers aren’t trained to deal with male trauma. When there’s no clear path to help, it’s no wonder so many men feel trapped and hopeless. Access to support should be universal, regardless of gender.
5. Pop Culture Makes a Joke Out of Male Victims
TV shows, movies, and social media often depict women slapping men as comedic relief. But if the roles were reversed, the outrage would be immediate. This double standard fuels the idea that men can’t be victims—or that they somehow deserve abuse if they’re “weak” enough to experience it. Constant jokes and dismissive memes devalue male trauma and send a dangerous message: men’s pain is punchline material. That mindset silences victims before they even speak up.
6. Male Victims Fear Being Labeled as Abusers
Abused men often stay in toxic relationships because they fear no one will believe their side of the story. In heated situations, the woman may falsely claim abuse, and societal bias will often take her word over his. This fear of being labeled an abuser—especially without evidence—keeps many men from defending themselves or leaving. Their silence becomes a form of self-protection in a system that’s already stacked against them. This fear-based dynamic is another layer of the abuse itself.
7. Fathers Often Stay for the Kids—and Suffer Quietly
Many abused men stay in unhealthy or violent relationships for the sake of their children. They worry that leaving might cost them custody, or that speaking up could paint them as unstable or unfit. In trying to be a “good dad,” they end up enduring years of emotional or physical harm. These sacrifices are rarely seen or appreciated by the outside world. But make no mistake—they are heartbreaking and real.
8. Therapy Stigma Still Runs Deep for Men
While therapy is becoming more normalized, many men still feel ashamed to seek mental health help. They’re taught to bottle things up, deal with it themselves, or “tough it out.” But untreated trauma festers—leading to depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and sometimes even suicide. Abused men need access to judgment-free therapy and the tools to process what they’ve endured. Healing isn’t weakness; it’s survival.
9. Silence Reinforces the Cycle of Abuse
When society ignores male victims, it allows abuse to continue unchecked. Lack of awareness and resources sends the message that men don’t count—that their pain doesn’t matter. This cultural silence not only damages current victims but discourages future ones from speaking out. Breaking this cycle starts by listening, believing, and supporting men when they say, “I need help.” If we don’t talk about it, we can’t fix it.
Giving a Voice to the Voiceless
The issue of abused men isn’t just a men’s issue—it’s a human issue. Every victim deserves to be seen, heard, and supported, regardless of gender. By acknowledging this overlooked reality, we make space for real healing and justice. No one should have to suffer alone or in silence. Let’s build a world where every voice matters—and every story is safe to tell.
Have you or someone you know experienced abuse as a man? What needs to change to bring this issue into the light? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.