She’s A Stalker: 12 Signs She’s Become Obsessed With You
Unfortunately, I’ve had to deal with a stalker in the past. One date spiraled into hundreds of harassing phone calls and feeling like I couldn’t go anywhere without bumping into her. If you notice that someone seems overly fixated on you, trust your gut and do what you can to protect yourself. As men, we are often told to get over it. However, it’s okay to have boundaries and be firm when someone is crossing the line. Obsession like this goes beyond a little crush. So, here are 12 things to look out for when you are getting to know someone that could be red flags.
1. Constantly Texting or Calling
If she’s texting or calling you nonstop, it’s a major sign of obsession. Even if you don’t respond, she continues to send messages, sometimes within minutes of each other. These messages may range from sweet to invasive, including demands for your whereabouts or who you’re with. You may find your phone filled with missed calls if you don’t answer, showing an inability to respect your space.
2. Showing Up Unexpectedly
Does she show up at your workplace, gym, or favorite coffee shop without any prior notice? Unexpected visits can feel flattering at first, but repeated occurrences hint at obsessive behavior. It’s even more concerning if she’s showing up at places you didn’t tell her about, suggesting she’s tracking your movements. This kind of behavior can quickly escalate into stalking territory.
3. Monitoring Your Social Media
An obsessive woman will closely monitor your social media activity, from liking old photos to commenting on every post. She may even question you about who you’re interacting with online or assume relationships based on your posts. If she’s creating fake accounts to follow you or gain access to private information, that’s a serious warning sign.
4. Overstepping Personal Boundaries
When someone is obsessed, they often fail to recognize or respect your personal boundaries. She may push her way into your life, forcing interactions or demanding more of your time than you’re willing to give. This behavior can extend to your personal belongings, like going through your phone or emails without permission.
5. Becoming Overly Jealous
Jealousy is normal in small doses, but obsessive jealousy is something entirely different. She may get upset over innocent interactions, like talking to a coworker or commenting on a friend’s post. Her jealousy can escalate to accusations, emotional outbursts, or even attempts to sabotage your other relationships. Obsessive jealousy is often rooted in insecurity and a need for control.
6. Pressuring You for Commitment
When someone is obsessed, they often push for commitment too soon or too aggressively. She might talk about moving in together, marriage, or long-term plans before you’re ready. This kind of pressure can make you feel trapped and uncomfortable. It’s not about building a healthy connection but rather securing control over you.
7. Spying on You
Has she been checking up on you through friends, family, or even by following you herself? Spying is a serious sign of obsession and a breach of trust. Whether it’s driving past your house or questioning people in your life, this behavior is invasive and alarming. It’s not about concern; it’s about control and an inability to let go. Spying creates a toxic dynamic where you’re constantly looking over your shoulder.
8. Trying to Control Your Decisions
An obsessed individual often tries to dictate your choices, from what you wear to who you spend time with. She may frame this as concern or love, but it’s actually an attempt to control you. This behavior can extend to your career, hobbies, or even diet, leaving little room for your independence. Control disguised as care is still control, and it’s a hallmark of obsessive behavior.
9. Extreme Mood Swings Around You
Does she go from being overly affectionate to angry or upset within moments? Extreme mood swings can be a sign of obsession, as her emotions are tied entirely to your actions. This volatility creates a stressful environment where you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. Obsessive behavior often leads to emotional manipulation, where her outbursts are used to control or guilt you.
10. Talking About You Constantly
When someone is obsessed, they often bring you up in every conversation, even with people you don’t know. Her constant focus on you can feel flattering at first but quickly becomes overwhelming. Friends and family may notice her fixation and comment on how much she talks about you. This behavior shows that she’s making you the center of her world in an unhealthy way.
11. Stalking You Online and Offline
If she’s obsessively tracking your location, checking your social media, or even showing up uninvited, this is stalking behavior. Online stalking may include monitoring your activity through fake accounts or hacking into your accounts. Offline, it can involve following you or watching your home. This behavior is invasive, dangerous, and can escalate over time.
12. Refusing to Accept Rejection
When obsession takes over, rejection often isn’t taken seriously. She may refuse to accept a breakup or continue pursuing you despite clear boundaries. This refusal to let go shows an inability to respect your choices. Obsession blinds her to reality, making her believe she has a claim over you. Her persistence can turn into harassment, leaving you feeling unsafe.
Protect Your Peace and Well-Being
You need to do whatever you can to protect yourself. No matter what, you deserve to feel safe. Your mental health and physical well-being matter. While some of these behaviors might initially seem harmless, they can quickly escalate into something more serious. Set clear boundaries and don’t be afraid to reach out for support when you need it, including professional and legal help if necessary. Don’t ignore these red flags. Make yourself a priority!
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Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.