Parents, please think about what you name your kids
Just a quick rant against some of you parents out there. I know you have the dire need to “be different” than everyone else and avoid boring names like Bob and Joe for your kids, but please think long and hard about what you’re naming them and what they’ll have to deal with in school and when they’re trying to make it in the professional world (i.e. after schooling).
For example, how would you pronounce the following names (real names from newborn babies at Stacie’s hospital):
Orangejello
Lemonjello
Would you say “Orange Jello”? No, that’s wrong and God forbid you mispronounce it in front of the mom! It’s:
Or-an-juh-lo and Lem-on-juh-lo (sorry if I don’t know the proper dictionary syntax)
A Truly Horrific Name
Now I want to prepare you for one of the worst possible names I’ve ever heard. This is a real name as dictated by a friend who works in the Pennsylvania State Social Security offices. It’s worse than Harold Balls or Michael Hunt.
Are you ready for it?
Here it is.
Analtouch
Yeah, how would you pronounce that one? Like a bad thing that happens in prison? I would have thought so too, but nope, here’s the correct pronounciation:
uh-null-tush
Wow, what else can I say?
What names have you run across? I want some real, serious names, not some Bart Simpson hijinx. Maybe I can help get the word out to parents that they just need to think like a bully for a second (or a potential hiring manager) and wonder whether Analtouch is a good name or not.
Unless they’re intent on their child being “Dr. Analtouch, the Proctologist“
The Orangejello/Lemonjello is really an urban legend on Snopes…unless someone was inspired and named their children that.
Not that I’m trying to call Stacie’s credibility into question, but really? Did she see their birth certificates? Cuz I’m a bit skeptical. :-\
holy cow, that’s bad. Except I had to think about “Michael Hunt” for a little bet. Now i get it.
Are you kidding me? I don’t believe it!
@Kacie, these were the names on their medical charts. They were twins born in the hospital last year (Stacie works in the NICU/PICU). I never saw the Snopes thing, and I wouldn’t question Stacie’s credibility either (although you did 🙂 )
Here’s the snopes link in case you’re interested: http://www.snopes.com/racial/language/names.asp
@Kacie, Yep, I read it after you commented, but this isn’t an urban legend. Stacie actually met the babies and the mom and saw the medical chart. There are actually two new Jello babies in the world right now (living in Virginia).
It’s not a bad name, but actually a nice one – I worked with a woman named Crystal Rivers.
My pastor once told a story (don’t know if it’s true or not), about a man named Nosmo King (first and middle names). His mother saw Nosmo on a sign and liked it, then she saw King on the other door and thought it would be a regal sounding name. Then after he was born, she saw the doors closed and the sign reading No Smoking.
Oh, and in our district, there is a Michael Jackson (this kid must’ve been born in the late 90s, so his parents knew what they were doing).
I’ve always felt this way about names as well, mostly to the tune of “what kind of teasing hell is your kid going to go through in school?”
BUT, then I remember names of some of the people I knew in school, and the fact that they seemed to be totally normal names, and nobody really paid any attention to how, well, odd they were. This doesn’t apply to names that can be misconstrued in writing, though, like the examples you gave…
The only two I can think of off the top of my head are Turqoise and Cherish. To you, they seem really odd, maybe stupid, but to us who knew these girls, they were very original names and handily negated the need to refer to them by their full names.
My wife told me about a family from her home town. Their last name was Teed.
They named their sons Warren and Garren.
My sister had a classmate named Shithead, pronounced “shi-tay-ed”.
Everyone wants to be different, but now to be different, you should stay the same.
Bravo on the post. I whole-heartedly agree.
Umm… I worked in an NICU and saw some really silly names. Worse was a little premie named Latrina, who had been born as her mom sat on the toilet.
My wife told me of one that she had seen from her job … she had to call and speak with “Herb Peas”. He was a very nice older gentleman :).
Like Douglas…
My sister taught a “Shithead” (pronounced shi-thed this time) and wasn’t quite sure how to call role on the first day of school (no lie…I saw the papers he turned in).
Also, my band director taught a girl named Crystal Leer, which in itself is not bad until you learn her middle name is Shanda.
My mom went to school with a guy named Donald Duck. He later became a school principal where I lived (different school than mine), and I’m not sure how he ever earned the respect of the kids at the school.
Thanks for the post. I don’t care what it is or isn’t relevant to, but it’s a fun discussion. =)
My niece goes to church with a Luckyboy. Poor kid.
I friend of mine had the last name Assalone. When he was born his Dad wanted to name him Leavemy, but fortunately for my buddy his mom made a stand against it. My wife worked with a guy once who’s last name was Bunny. His first name was Peter. No joke. Its gets worse. He had a younger brother named Jack. To make it even worse, Peter married a woman who’s nick name was Bunny. Everyone knew her as Bunny. So when she married Peter, everyone referred to her as Bunny Rabbit.
Lemonjello and orangejello are definitely an urban legend. My brother-in-law heard from some folks in the school system he worked for a while back, and repeated it to me as gospel. Swearitsthetruthisawitwithmyowneyes! Of course, he hadn’t, but a joke like that is much better if you saw it yourself. I don’t blame him much. It’s believable…ish.
Went to school with a Jim Sok – Southeast Asian family who gave their child an American first name. Also, a friend who works for a bank has met a Mike Hunt before – I didn’t believe anyone was really named Mike Hunt, but he said it was true.
I went to school with a guy named Nada Nada (first and last name). He was (is?) Egyptian and apparently his parents didn’t know that “nada” meant “nothing” in Spanish. Poor guy. He got teased A LOT.
I once had a customer named Mr. Beach. His name was Rocky and his wife was Sandy. Those were the names on their driver’s license because when they told me, my first reaction made them pull out ID.
I had another customer named “Princess Smoke.”
I knew someone in college named Richard Holder.
I can’t stand the “pull-some-phonics-out-of-a-hat” names (but they always end in an “A”). I knew two sisters named Sheneatha and Sondreena.
I have another one…
My best friend in college married a girl named
Kris Miss Day
My grandfather used to work for social security, and he kept a list of funny names. The only one I can recall at the moment is Lon Moore.
My name is Robin, and I always thought it would be funny if I got married to a guy whose last name was Byrd. I had a friend in high school with that last name, but alas, it was not meant to be. 🙂
yeah I get a laugh when i read the local paper crime section and the criminal always has some unpronouncable name.
Hehehe – this reminded of my highschool days many moons ago…
There was a girl in one of the classes ahead of me who I’d hear over the PA – “Holly Wood, please come to the office” – those parents had a really bad sense of humor. I think the office staff just like to say it over the loudspeaker too…
I also had a teacher whose last name was Beach – he was having a baby. We came up with great names for the baby: Sunova Beach, for one. 🙂
@Jill, you reminded me of one of Stacie’s coworkers. She just found out last month her full name is “Virginia Beach”. I think that one is rather nice (and memorable).
Oh! I remembered one more…I went to high school with a girl (she was a year older than me) whose name was Rose Bush. Her sister’s name was Tameka, so I’m not sure how Rose got stuck with a name that was sadly punny.