Is Excessive DIY a Sign of Control Issues?
As men, we often see DIY projects as a sign of independence. In some cases, it may even save you some money, but insisting that every project is a DIY can point to other problems. It could be a sign of excessive control issues. Here are some signs that might be the case.
1. It’s Not Always About the Project—It’s About Power
You might notice that you are suddenly driven to take charge of every situation, even if it’s not DIY related. Excessive focus on DIY projects could actually be a coping mechanism. You might feel anxious when you aren’t in control. So, being in charge of the DIY project from the beginning to the end can provide you with some sense of stability. In the long run, it can isolate you from other people, though.
2. The Perfectionist Trap: If It’s Not Perfect, It’s Not Right
Excessive DIY projects often go hand-in-hand with being a perfectionist. A lot of the time, this mindset can push you to avoid outsourcing or looking for help. Not to mention, it can also make you do things like redo someone else’s work if you do accept help. You might not ever finish a project because it will never seem good enough. You’re looking to control the outcome, not complete the project. This mindset can delay progress and actually increase stress in the long run.
3. Control in Disguise: The Need to Fix Everything
Excessive DIY can spill into every area of life—home repairs, relationships, even managing others’ emotions. The fixer mindset is common among those who grew up in unpredictable environments or lacked emotional safety. For them, fixing something tangible feels more manageable than dealing with uncertain feelings. Whether it’s patching a wall or micromanaging a family gathering, these individuals may use projects as distractions from emotional vulnerability. What looks like productivity might actually be emotional avoidance.
4. DIY vs. Delegation: The Struggle to Trust
For some, DIY becomes a way to avoid relying on others. Trusting a contractor, a partner, or even a friend to handle something can feel like handing over power—and that’s uncomfortable. Control-oriented individuals might fear being let down, so they take on everything themselves to avoid disappointment. Unfortunately, this can create burnout, resentment, and fractured relationships. Learning to delegate isn’t a weakness—it’s a sign of emotional maturity and trust in others’ capabilities.
5. Is Your Home a Sanctuary or a Battleground?
Home is supposed to be a place of rest—but for those with control issues, it can turn into an endless improvement zone. Walls are repainted for the third time. Furniture is constantly rearranged. Projects begin before others are finished. This isn’t just about loving your home; it can be about never allowing yourself to settle. The constant motion can be a way to avoid stillness, which might bring up emotions people would rather not face. When home becomes a battleground for control, it affects everyone who lives there.
6. Social Media Pressure Doesn’t Help
From Pinterest boards to DIY TikToks, we’re bombarded with curated perfection every day. This cultural obsession with “doing it yourself” can push people toward unrealistic expectations. When you see others creating magazine-worthy results in a weekend, you might feel pressure to keep up. For those already prone to control issues, this becomes fuel for an exhausting and unnecessary race. Not every project needs to be documented, and not everything has to be “Instagrammable” to be valuable.
7. The Hidden Toll on Relationships
Excessive DIY can strain romantic partnerships, friendships, and even relationships with kids. If one person always insists on handling things their way, the other may feel dismissed or useless. This dynamic often results in tension, frustration, and a lack of teamwork. What seems like a harmless hobby can become a wedge between people who should be supporting each other. Collaboration and compromise are key in relationships—and that includes home improvement and life planning.
8. When Control Takes Over: Signs It’s Gone Too Far
So, how can you tell if your love for DIY is actually a red flag? If you’re constantly anxious when others help, feel a need to “redo” others’ work, or can’t relax unless you’re managing every detail, it may be time to reassess. Emotional control can show up physically—in tight shoulders, sleep issues, or even chronic fatigue. If DIY is no longer fun but feels like a compulsion, that’s worth exploring. Awareness is the first step in taking back control from, well… control.
Reclaiming the Joy of DIY Without Letting It Control You
There is no doubt that DIY projects can be really rewarding. However, your desire to get everything done on your own could potentially rule your life and impact your relationships. If you’re feeling more anxious or overwhelmed, it may be time to take a step back and ask why you feel like you have to do everything yourself. It could be beneficial to let go of the reins a bit.
Do you think excessive DIY might be about more than just being handy? Share your experience in the comments and tell us what you’ve learned about control, creativity, and letting go.
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Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.