9 Things That Should Be Dealbreakers But Aren’t
If you’ve been in a relationship, you know there are some absolute dealbreakers. These may differ from person to person, but most people draw the line at cheating, lying, and betrayal. However, there are some quieter signs to look out for. These nine behaviors should be absolute dealbreakers in a relationship.
1. They Never Apologize—Even When They’re Clearly Wrong
An inability to apologize isn’t just frustrating—it’s a huge indicator of emotional immaturity. If someone can’t own their mistakes, that behavior creates a toxic power imbalance over time. Constantly excusing this means you’re shouldering the blame for everything, which isn’t fair or sustainable. It also means there’s little room for growth or accountability in the relationship. A partner who can’t say “I was wrong” will never build a foundation of trust.
2. They Shame You for Being Emotional
Crying, venting, or expressing vulnerability shouldn’t make you feel weak—or worse, embarrassed. If your partner mocks, dismisses, or avoids your emotions, that’s not strength; it’s emotional unavailability. Many people overlook this, thinking it’s just their partner’s “personality,” but it’s one of those relationship dealbreakers that signals deep disconnection. Healthy love allows room for all emotions, not just the ones that are easy to deal with. If you can’t be your full emotional self, you’re not in a safe space.
3. They’re Rude to Service Workers
This one might seem minor, but it reveals a lot. How someone treats a barista, server, or cashier says more about their character than how they treat you during the honeymoon phase. Entitlement, disrespect, or a lack of empathy in public interactions often show up later in private ones too. Many people overlook this because the behavior isn’t directed at them—yet. But make no mistake, it’s one of the most telling relationship dealbreakers out there.
4. They Make Jokes at Your Expense
Sarcasm can be fun—but if it comes at your emotional cost, it’s not a joke. Constant teasing, “funny” put-downs, or backhanded compliments can slowly chip away at your confidence. It’s easy to write these off as humor, especially when everyone else laughs, but your discomfort matters. The line between humor and humiliation is thin—and a loving partner should never cross it. Pay attention to how often you find yourself pretending not to be hurt.
5. They Avoid All Conversations About the Future
If they change the subject every time you bring up goals, commitment, or long-term plans, that’s not a quirk—it’s avoidance. Many people stay in relationships hoping things will “just work out,” but uncertainty becomes toxic when it drags on. You deserve clarity, not guesswork. A partner who won’t talk about the future isn’t preparing to include you in it. That kind of emotional limbo should be one of your biggest relationship dealbreakers.
6. You’re Always Walking on Eggshells
A good relationship should feel safe and secure, not like a daily performance. If you’re constantly filtering your words to avoid triggering anger, disappointment, or guilt, that’s emotional tension you shouldn’t have to live with. Many people normalize this because they fear conflict, but being on edge all the time is exhausting. A loving relationship gives you space to breathe, speak, and be yourself without fear. Emotional safety is not optional—it’s essential.
7. They Keep Score in Every Argument
Healthy disagreements don’t need a winner and loser. If your partner constantly brings up past mistakes to “win” a fight, they’re weaponizing your vulnerability. That kind of scorekeeping turns conflict into combat, not communication. It prevents resolution and fosters resentment. True intimacy means letting go of what’s been resolved—not using it as ammo later.
8. You Do All the Emotional Labor
From initiating tough conversations to maintaining the connection, if the relationship feels like a one-person job—it is. Emotional labor includes remembering birthdays, planning dates, checking in during hard times, and managing the relationship’s emotional temperature. When one partner does it all, burnout sets in fast. Love should feel mutual, not managerial. If you’re the glue holding everything together, it’s time to reassess the balance.
9. They Dismiss Your Goals and Dreams
If your partner shrugs off your career goals, passion projects, or personal growth, it’s more than disinterest—it’s disrespect. Relationships should be a place where your dreams are encouraged, not minimized. You might stay because “they’re just practical” or “not into that stuff,” but encouragement is a love language too. If your partner can’t cheer you on, they may be quietly holding you back. Don’t dim your ambition to keep the peace.
The Standards We Set Reflect the Love We Accept
Each one of these relationship dealbreakers will impact you deeply. It could affect your confidence or self-worth. Either way, you shouldn’t have to compromise to the point where you feel smaller. In the end, you deserve safety and respect in your relationship. You’re worthy of a healthy relationship.
Have you ever stayed in a relationship that crossed one of these lines? What made you finally recognize it as a dealbreaker? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
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Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.