8 Unrealistic Expectations That Can Secretly Damage Any Marriage

February 5, 2025

Marriage can be amazing, though it’s not without its challenges. However, those challenges don’t need to take over the entire relationship. Oftentimes, people let their unrealistic expectations get in the way of their happiness. Before you tie the knot, check your expectations at the door and realize that marriage is a lot about sacrifice. Understanding and adjusting your expectations can help you prevent your relationship from falling apart in the long run. Keep these eight unrealistic expectations in mind.

1. Expecting Your Partner to Be Your Everything

Admittedly, this is something I’ve struggled with. My wife and I have been through some really tough times together where we were all we had. We leaned on each other, which is great. That said, it’s important to remember that you can’t rely on your spouse to fulfill all of your emotional, social, and recreational needs. Expecting your other half to be your sole source of happiness puts a ton of pressure on them. It’s not fair and eventually, it can lead to feelings of resentment.

2. Believing That Love Alone Is Enough to Overcome All Problems

Love is strong, but it’s not strong enough to save a marriage. You need to communicate with each other. There will be compromises. Most importantly, you need to have trust and effort from both sides to overcome whatever you’re facing together. Without these key elements, love can start to feel like an illusion, especially when difficult situations arise.

3. Thinking Marriage Will Always Be Blissful and Easy

When entering marriage, many people expect it to be smooth sailing, believing that the honeymoon phase will last forever. In reality, marriages go through ups and downs, and challenges are a natural part of life together. From work stress to raising children, it’s important to acknowledge that not every moment will be perfect. Expecting a constant state of bliss sets couples up for disappointment when struggles inevitably arise.

4. Assuming Your Partner Will Change for the Better

It’s not uncommon for individuals to believe that their partner will change after marriage, especially in areas like habits, behavior, or lifestyle. While growth and change are possible, expecting someone to drastically alter their core personality or values is unrealistic. Marriage should be about accepting your partner as they are, flaws and all. Attempting to “fix” your spouse can create frustration and tension in the relationship.

5. Expecting Your Partner to Always Agree with You

Unfortunately, disagreements are just part of married life. You’re not always going to see eye to eye with your partner, and that’s okay! Sharing common values and goals is important, but you won’t always agree. If you expect them to always agree with you, it can create an unhealthy environment where they shut down, don’t communicate, and may even grow to resent you. Ultimately, if both partners feel the need to constantly be on the same page, it can stifle individuality and personal expression.

6. Believing That Financial Strain Won’t Affect the Relationship

Financial issues contribute to somewhere between 20 and 40% of all divorces. So, thinking that financial strain won’t impact your relationship is ridiculous. They can (and will) lead to tension, resentment, and disagreements with your partner. Make sure you collaborate when it comes to your finances, especially when it is something that will affect both of you.

7. Expecting Perfection in Communication

News flash: no one’s perfect. Obviously, you want your partner to communicate with you, and communication is essential to any healthy relationship. However, it is unrealistic to expect they’ll be flawless in how they communicate. Misunderstandings will happen and expecting your spouse to always understand you without any kind of explanation is setting your relationship up for failure.

8. Expecting the Same Level of Intimacy Forever

This is something I struggled with after my wife and I had children. We have an amazing connection, there’s no doubt about that, but in our first years as parents, we’ve not found much time to just be us again. We’ve had to come to terms with the fact that intimacy will fluctuate throughout our time together. Once the kids are a bit older, we’ll probably get a glimpse of our former selves in this aspect. Expecting intimacy to stay the same throughout your relationship is not only unrealistic, but it can lead to disappointment and frustration for both parties.

Adjusting Expectations for a Stronger Marriage

Unrealistic expectations can damage a marriage over time, no matter how much you love your partner. You should prioritize communication, acceptance, and patience. These habits and traits will help you navigate the roughest waters with your significant other. Remember, no relationship is perfect. You’ll need to learn that you can’t expect your partner to be perfect either.

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Drew Blankenship

Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.