8 Things Men Do on First Dates That Instantly Kill Attraction
It’s been a long time since I went on a first date (nearly 10 years), but I know that first interaction with someone can heavily impact their perception of you. There are some things men (and women) do on first dates that can instantly kill attraction. So, if you’re in the dating game, do your best to avoid doing any of these eight things.
1. Talking Only About Themselves
Nothing kills attraction faster than someone who dominates the conversation with stories about themselves. While sharing details about your life is important, it should be a two-way exchange. If you rarely ask questions or show interest in the other person’s experiences, they will feel unheard and undervalued. A first date should be about connecting, not delivering a personal TED Talk.
2. Checking Their Phone Constantly
Few things are ruder than being glued to your phone when you’re supposed to be getting to know someone. Scrolling through social media or replying to texts makes your date feel like an afterthought. Even a quick glance at notifications can signal boredom or disinterest. If you’re expecting an important call, let them know in advance and keep it brief. It’s important to be present and engaged, especially during your first date.
3. Bragging or Trying Too Hard to Impress
Confidence is attractive, but bragging about wealth, status, or achievements can come off as insecure or arrogant. Constantly name-dropping, mentioning expensive possessions, or flexing accomplishments can make you seem self-absorbed. For the most part, people are more drawn to authenticity than a highlight reel of success stories. Instead of trying to impress, focus on having a genuine and enjoyable conversation.
4. Talking About Their Ex
Bringing up past relationships on a first date is an instant turn-off. Whether you trash your ex or reminisce fondly, it signals that you’re not emotionally available. Talking about heartbreak, cheating, or unresolved drama creates an awkward atmosphere. Your date wants to know about you—not your romantic history. If the topic happens to come up, keep the discussion brief and positive. You don’t want them thinking you’re still hung up on your ex or, worse, that you’re the problem.
5. Being Rude to Servers or Strangers
How you treat others says a lot about your character. If you’re dismissive, impatient, or rude to waitstaff, it signals entitlement and a lack of empathy. People will notice these behaviors and often see them as a red flag for future interactions. Even small acts like failing to say “please” and “thank you” can be major turn-offs. Ultimately, being polite and courteous will make a lasting impression on your date.
6. Talking About Money Too Much
Discussing finances on a first date can make the interaction feel transactional rather than personal. Whether you’re complaining about money struggles or flaunting your wealth, it shifts the focus away from connection. Money talk can create unnecessary pressure and make the date feel uncomfortable. Instead of focusing on income, job status, or expenses, steer the conversation toward shared interests and experiences.
7. Drinking Too Much
Having a drink or two can help ease first-date nerves, but overdoing it is a dealbreaker. Slurring words, getting overly loud, or losing control can ruin your chances for a second date. Excessive drinking can also make a woman feel unsafe or uncomfortable. At the end of the day, it signals a lack of self-control and poor decision-making skills. So, if you’re going to have alcohol on the first date, know your limits.
8. Lacking Basic Hygiene and Grooming
Bad breath, body odor, or messy clothes can instantly kill attraction before the date even starts. Your date probably appreciates effort, and poor grooming signals a lack of self-care and respect for the occasion. Untrimmed nails, wrinkled outfits, or an unshaven face can make you seem careless. Take a shower, make sure you have a clean outfit, and give yourself a once-over before you head out the door. It’ll make a huge difference.
Make a Memorable First Impression
First dates can be nerve-wracking, but if you want to put on a good first impression it is critical that you avoid these mistakes. They can completely negate any mutual attraction that there once was. At the end of the day, go into your date relaxed. Be yourself! And focus on creating a solid connection with the person you’re out with. These things will lead you to having a successful first date.
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Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.