6 Little Known Narcissistic Traits That Show Up in Dating
People have been overusing the word “narcissist” recently. It seems like every time I turn around someone is calling their past partner a narcissist on social media. That said, if you are dating a narcissist, it isn’t always obvious right away. Of course, there are some tell-tale narcissistic traits that everyone knows, like arrogance and lack of empathy. However, there are some character traits that might fly under the radar for a long time. So, be on the lookout for these six lesser-known traits in your partner.
1. Love-Bombing That Feels Too Good to Be True
Love bombing is something that has become more talked about recently. If you’re not familiar with the term, it refers to when someone swoops in and does a lot to show you you’re the “most special person in the world.” The person will shower you with compliments, gifts, and constant attention. They love bomb to make you forget about them not being romantic regularly and to gain power over you emotionally. Ultimately, their goal is to make you dependent on their validation and then they will start to withdraw this affection.
2. Playing the Victim in Every Story
Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their mistakes and often twist stories to make themselves the victim. Whether it’s a bad breakup, workplace drama, or family issues, they always portray themselves as the one who was wronged. This tactic is designed to gain sympathy and make their partners feel protective of them. Over time, it creates an imbalance where the narcissist’s needs always come first.
3. Subtle Negging That Lowers Your Self-Esteem
Backhanded compliments (negging) have no place in a healthy relationship. They might say something like, “You’re pretty for someone who doesn’t try too hard” or “That’s a bold outfit choice.” This behavior undermines your confidence and will make you second-guess yourself. You will find yourself trying to seek their approval constantly, rather than trying to make yourself happy.
4. Fluctuating Between Hot and Cold Behavior
One minute, they’re incredibly affectionate, and the next, they’re distant or uninterested. This hot-and-cold behavior is a power play to keep you hooked. When they pull away, you start craving the validation they once gave freely. This creates an emotional rollercoaster that makes you work harder for their approval.
5. Constantly Testing Your Loyalty
Narcissists are obsessed with control and often test their partners in subtle ways. They might push your boundaries just to see how much they can get away with. This could include canceling plans last minute, flirting with others to gauge your reaction, or demanding reassurance constantly. Over time, these “tests” drain you emotionally, making you feel like you’re always proving your worth.
6. Disappearing Acts Followed by Sudden Reappearances
Narcissists love to disappear when it suits them, only to come back as if nothing happened. They may ghost you for days or weeks, leaving you confused and anxious. Just when you start moving on, they reappear with excuses or charm, pulling you back in. This cycle keeps you emotionally invested while giving them complete control over the relationship.
Protect Yourself from Subtle Manipulation
You won’t always notice narcissistic traits immediately. Some of them take longer to surface in your relationship. Once you spot them though, you can take steps to protect yourself. Each of these six behaviors creates an unhealthy power dynamic in your relationship. In the end, it’ll be your self-esteem and confidence that pays for it. Recognizing some of these signs early can help you avoid getting into a toxic relationship altogether. Remember, you deserve genuine love!
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Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.