10 Things Your Spouse Needs You to Do More Often (But Won’t Ask For)
In my marriage, we communicate openly about our needs, but not every relationship is like that. Oftentimes, your spouse doesn’t ask for the things they need from you. Sometimes this is because they feel self-conscious or uncomfortable asking. However, meeting these needs can help strengthen your bond and reignite the magic in your marriage. So, here are 10 things that your partner may need you to do more often that they may never ask for outright.
1. Listen Without Fixing
Something I had to learn with my wife is that she doesn’t always want me to fix the problem. Sometimes, it is enough for you simply to listen without trying to jump to their rescue. When you offer advice too quickly, they might wind up feeling unheard or dismissed. Just listen. Holding space for them to be heard will provide them with emotional support and, honestly, it’s comforting to know that your spouse is there for you in that way.
2. Say “Thank You” for the Everyday Things
Another thing my wife and I both had to learn is that we both crave appreciation for the things we do, and not just the “special” things. A simple “thank you” for doing the dishes, walking the dog, or bathing the kids can go a long way. Much of the time, if you are saddled with these everyday tasks, you might start to feel like your efforts are invisible. When your spouse shows you appreciation, it reinforces that your effort really matters. And, in the long run, it will prevent resentment from creeping into your marriage.
3. Give Them Your Undivided Attention
In a world full of distractions, giving someone your full focus is a powerful gift. Put down your phone, mute the TV, and make eye contact during conversations. These moments of presence remind your spouse that they matter more than any screen. Even 10 distraction-free minutes a day can improve connection. Being fully “there” makes your partner feel seen and prioritized.
4. Do Something Thoughtful Without Being Asked
Surprise them with their favorite snack, leave a sticky note with a sweet message, or take care of a chore they dread. These acts of service show that you’re thinking of them and that their comfort matters. It also lightens their mental load without them needing to ask for help. Thoughtfulness fuels emotional safety in a relationship. It says, “I know you, I see you, and I care.”
5. Offer Physical Affection Without an Agenda
Sometimes your spouse just needs a hug, a gentle touch, or to hold hands—without it leading to anything more. Physical affection builds connection and reassurance, especially during stressful times. It’s a reminder that you’re a team, even in silence. When affection is given freely, it strengthens emotional trust. This kind of intimacy fosters warmth and security.
6. Say “I Love You” Like You Mean It
Don’t assume your spouse already knows—they still need to hear it. And they need to feel it in your tone, timing, and delivery. Say “I love you” when they least expect it, not just when it’s routine. Look them in the eye and let it carry weight. These three words never get old when spoken sincerely.
7. Support Their Goals (Even the Small Ones)
Whether it’s a new hobby, a fitness goal, or a career move, your encouragement matters. Ask questions about their goals and show interest in their progress. Offer help or celebrate their small wins along the way. Supporting their dreams—even the tiny ones—shows you care about who they are becoming. Your belief in them can boost their confidence more than you realize.
8. Apologize First—Even When It’s Hard
Arguments are inevitable, but how you recover from them shapes your relationship. Saying “I’m sorry” first doesn’t mean you’re admitting full blame—it means you value the connection more than being right. A sincere apology can de-escalate tension and promote healing. It shows maturity, vulnerability, and love. Don’t wait for your spouse to initiate repair.
9. Share the Mental Load
Your spouse may not vocalize how much they’re juggling, but chances are, they feel it. Help manage the household calendar, plan meals, or take charge of errands. Sharing the invisible work relieves stress and builds mutual respect. Even just asking, “What can I take off your plate today?” can ease their burden.
10. Remind Them What You Admire About Them
Over time, compliments fade, and routines take over. Reminding your spouse what you love and admire about them keeps the emotional connection strong. Tell them they’re a great parent, a hard worker, or that you still find them attractive. Don’t keep those positive thoughts in your head—say them out loud. It helps your spouse feel valued, loved, and seen.
Love Is in the Little Things
In the end, your marriage (and any relationship) isn’t going to be built on grand gestures. It will be built on small, consistent acts of love and working to show them that they matter to you. Noticing your spouse’s needs can help strengthen the bond that you have and improve your connection. Consider these 10 things and how you can be a more thoughtful partner. Remember, everyday love is what matters most.
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Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.