5 Marriage Ideologies That Sound Good But Are Actually Toxic
Once you get married, you’ll be shocked at the amount of advice people are willing to give you. From social media acquaintances to well-meaning friends, everyone is going to want to give you their two cents about how to live “happily ever after.” Some of this advice can be genuinely helpful, but there are certain marriage ideologies that can actually be toxic for your relationship. Here is a look at five such ideologies that could potentially do more harm than good in your marriage.
1. “Never Go to Bed Angry”
While my wife and I live by this rule, the popular saying “never go to bed angry” can potentially be toxic. It suggests that couples should resolve any and all conflicts before they lay their head down at night. You might think that’s a good thing, but in reality it just leads to worse conflict. You might feel pressured into taking on a late-night argument when your emotions are high and your energy is low. Of course, you may not sleep well with heavy thoughts weighing on you, but sometimes it’s best to just take a break and revisit the conversation in the morning with a fresh perspective.
2. “Your Partner Should Complete You”
You should be a complete person on your own. Your partner should not be your sole source of emotional fulfilment. It is an unrealistic expectation that can lead to codependency and resentment. A healthy marriage involves two whole individuals who complement each other, not complete each other. When you place the burden of your happiness entirely on your partner, it can cause them to feel overwhelmed.
3. “Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry”
This ideology, popularized by movies, suggests that true love should be unconditional and beyond apologies. In reality, avoiding apologies can create a toxic environment where accountability is absent. Refusing to say sorry can make your partner feel unheard and undervalued, breeding resentment. Apologizing is a powerful way to show respect and commitment to growth in the relationship. Healthy marriages thrive on open communication and the ability to admit mistakes.
4. “Happy Wife, Happy Life”
I do believe this saying to be true, but that is because my wife believes it too (but she says happy spouse, happy house). The saying “happy wife, happy life” often leads to one-sided compromises and unspoken resentments. Prioritizing one partner’s happiness above the other’s needs can create an imbalance of power. Healthy relationships require both partners to feel heard, valued, and respected. Mutual happiness comes from open communication and fair compromise, not from sacrificing one’s own needs.
5. “Staying Together for the Kids”
My wife and I both grew up in homes where our parents stayed “for the sake of the kids.” Staying in an unhappy marriage is never what is best for your children. They deserve to see both of their parents happy. Growing up in a tense or loveless household can affect their emotional well-being and views on relationships. Modeling a healthy relationship—whether together or apart—teaches children about self-respect and healthy boundaries. Seeking counseling or, in some cases, parting ways amicably can create a more positive environment for everyone.
Redefining Marriage Myths
These five marriage ideologies may sound good in theory, but they can damage your relationship in the long run. Embracing more healthy mindsets around your relationship with your spouse that prioritize communication, respect, and individual growth are key to a successful marriage. Rejecting some of these toxic myths will help you identify what will make your relationship thrive.
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Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.