8 Things No One Told Me About Relationships Before I Got Married (Here’s What I Learned On My Own)
My wife and I are coming up on our sixth wedding anniversary. It’s been an amazing journey, but there are a lot of things that no one ever told me before I tied the knot. While people are full of advice before you decide to move forward with your vows, there are some things people leave out of those talks. Here are eight surprising truths about married life.
1. Love Doesn’t Always Feel Like a Fairy Tale
Every relationship has its ups and downs. Your marriage won’t always feel like a fairy tale, although there are plenty of special moments. In the end, love isn’t just about passion. My wife and I have plenty of days where we are just surviving. You show up when you don’t feel like it and you choose your partner every day, even when things don’t feel perfect.
2. Conflict Is Inevitable—How You Handle It Matters
Before marriage, I thought true love meant never fighting. The truth is, disagreements happen, and they don’t mean your relationship is failing. What matters is how you handle conflict—whether you listen, communicate, and compromise. Ignoring problems only makes them worse over time. Learning to argue productively can strengthen your relationship.
3. Financial Differences Can Be a Huge Source of Stress
As a married couple, my wife and I don’t fight often, but money can cause some tension. It is often a source of stress. Before getting married, I thought that the finances wouldn’t be a source of contention. We’d lived together and combined finances before we tied the knot. So, why would it? When it came down to it, we had spending habits, debt, and financial goals that we didn’t talk about before we got married. The key is to continue communicating openly about everything, including money.
4. Personal Space Is Just as Important as Quality Time
Being married doesn’t mean spending every moment together. Before marriage, I assumed couples should always want to be around each other. But in reality, everyone needs personal space to recharge. Having separate hobbies, friends, or even just quiet time alone can make your relationship stronger. A little space allows you to appreciate each other more.
5. Attraction Evolves Over Time
The spark you had when you first met won’t always burn as intensely. Physical attraction shifts, but your emotional connection can grow stronger. Small gestures—like leaving sweet notes or planning surprise dates—help keep the romance alive. Attraction isn’t just about looks; it’s about emotional intimacy, laughter, and shared experiences.
6. Your Partner Won’t Always Read Your Mind
Before marriage, I thought love meant intuitively knowing each other’s needs. The truth is, no one is a mind reader. Expecting your partner to just “know” what you want leads to disappointment. Clear communication is essential for a strong relationship. If something is bothering you, speak up instead of waiting for them to figure it out.
7. Family and Friends Will Have Opinions—But Your Relationship Is Yours
Everyone has an opinion about marriage, and not all advice is helpful. Some people may question your choices or compare your relationship to theirs. It’s important to set boundaries and prioritize what works for you and your spouse. Not every disagreement needs outside input. Your relationship should be built on what makes you both happy—not outside expectations.
8. Growth Happens at Different Speeds
You and your partner won’t always evolve at the same pace. Life changes, career shifts, and personal growth can affect relationships. The key is supporting each other through these changes rather than growing apart. Being patient with each other’s journeys strengthens your bond.
Love Is a Journey, Not a Destination
There is no doubt that marriage is full of surprises, but there are plenty of beautiful moments too. At the end of the day, it’s not about having a perfect relationship. It’s about the effort you put into the marriage and choosing your spouse every single day.
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Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.