12 ‘Romantic’ Gestures That Actually Backfire (And What to Do Instead)
Romance isn’t dead, but you need to pick the right time and place for grand romantic gestures. As someone who has done a few big romantic things in the past that fell flat, your efforts aren’t always going to land the way you expect. Something that you thought was sweet might be overwhelming for your partner. Here are 12 romantic gestures that tend to backfire, and some ideas of things you might do instead.
1. Over-the-Top Public Proposals
A dramatic public proposal might seem like the ultimate romantic move, but it can put a lot of pressure on your partner. Not everyone enjoys being in the spotlight, and a proposal should be an intimate moment, not a performance. If your partner isn’t ready or doesn’t feel comfortable, the entire experience can become embarrassing or even stressful. A private, heartfelt proposal tailored to their personality is often more meaningful.
2. Buying a Pet as a Surprise
This is a huge no-no! While this might seem like a great surprise for your significant other, it is a huge commitment that they may not have the bandwidth for. It can become overwhelming. Not to mention, the pet might not be a good fit for one reason or another. They may feel obligated to hold onto it because it’s something you gifted them, but in reality… they may loathe the additional responsibility. Instead of doing this, go on a date to an animal shelter together. Down the road, you may decide to get an animal, but it should be something you decide on together!
3. Bombarding Them with Gifts
Showering your partner with expensive gifts may seem romantic, but it can feel excessive or even make them uncomfortable. Some people might feel pressured to reciprocate, while others may interpret it as overcompensation. Meaningful, thoughtful gifts that align with their interests hold more value than extravagant spending. Instead of focusing on quantity, choose something personal, like a book they’ve mentioned wanting or a framed photo of a shared memory.
4. Writing a Love Letter Too Soon
Pouring your heart out in a long, poetic love letter might seem like a grand romantic gesture, but timing is everything. If a relationship is still new, an intense declaration of love can feel overwhelming rather than sweet. Instead of a lengthy letter, try expressing appreciation in smaller, meaningful ways. A short, heartfelt note about why you enjoy their company can feel more natural.
5. Making a Big Deal About an Anniversary They Forgot
Not everyone remembers relationship milestones, and making them feel guilty about forgetting can turn a celebration into a fight. While anniversaries are important, the focus should be on enjoying time together rather than keeping score. If your partner forgets a date, a gentle reminder is better than sulking or overreacting. Instead, plan something simple and fun to celebrate.
6. Booking a Surprise Vacation Without Checking Their Schedule
A spontaneous getaway sounds dreamy, but if your partner can’t take time off work or has other commitments, it creates unnecessary stress. Instead of surprising them with non-refundable tickets, casually bring up the idea of a trip and see how they react. Planning together ensures that the trip is enjoyable for both of you. A well-thought-out trip based on mutual interests will be far more memorable than a surprise that causes inconvenience.
7. Showing Up Unannounced at Their Workplace
Surprising your partner at work with flowers or lunch may seem romantic, but it can be disruptive and even embarrassing. They might be in a meeting, under pressure, or simply not in the mood for a public display. Instead of dropping by unexpectedly, consider sending a thoughtful message or arranging plans for after work.
8. Posting About Your Love Life Constantly
Not everyone is comfortable with constant public declarations of love on social media. Oversharing can make your partner feel pressured or like your relationship is performative. Instead of posting every little detail, focus on creating real moments together. A private, heartfelt message or an inside joke means more than a generic caption.
9. Planning an Elaborate Date Without Considering Their Interests
A grand, fancy date may seem romantic, but if it doesn’t align with your partner’s tastes, it could backfire. Not everyone enjoys a five-star restaurant or a formal setting. Instead of assuming what they’d like, pay attention to their preferences. Some people would rather have a cozy movie night or a fun outdoor adventure. A great date is one that makes both of you happy, not just one that looks good on paper.
10. Giving a Generic Valentine’s Day Gift
A box of chocolates and a teddy bear may be traditional, but they can feel uninspired. If it looks like a last-minute purchase, it can send the wrong message. Instead, think about what would truly make your partner smile. A handwritten note, an experience gift, or something that reflects an inside joke will feel much more special.
11. Declaring Love Too Soon
Saying “I love you” too early can create pressure and make the other person feel rushed. Love takes time to develop, and forcing it can lead to awkwardness. Instead of rushing into declarations, let emotions build naturally. Show your care through actions rather than just words.
12. Making Every Gesture About Yourself
If your romantic gestures are more about seeking praise than making your partner happy, they can feel insincere. True romance is about making the other person feel special, not fishing for compliments. Instead of expecting a big reaction, focus on their happiness. Small, everyday acts of kindness often mean more than grand displays.
Romance That Truly Works
If you really want to wow your partner with romantic gestures, take the time to understand what they enjoy. This should come from a place of sincerity. Don’t just do something big without thinking about what they’d actually like. At the end of the day, the best thing you can do to show them love is to consider their personality, preferences, and comfort.
Read More
8 Unrealistic Expectations That Can Secretly Damage Any Marriage
12 Surprising Habits of Couples Who Stay Madly in Love for Decades
Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.