Clever Marriage Tip: Guys, Protect Your Hearts
Ok, guys, if you got past that girly title then you must really want to hear what I have to say about helping your marriage. I learned early on from a friend that the best way to avoid an affair is to stay far away from any situations that put you at risk for one.
You may be thinking “but Mike, I don’t go to clubs to trawl for women. I just stay home every night watching TV.” Ok, fair enough, but are there times you may hang out alone with one or two female coworkers after work, or during lunch? How about chatting online about just random things with a single or married lass when your wife doesn’t know about it?
Honestly, I force myself to not take part in these interactions because I know where it could lead. Your body doesn’t care who the female is because it’s your hormones that are talking. The more familiar you become with a female acquaintance, the more you end up telling yourself that she likes you, or she has things your wife lacks (whether it’s true or not, your body doesn’t care).
Soon enough, you find that you’re attracted to her. Whether you realize it or not, you’re looking for an opening to make your move. And you know what happens if you make that move. Don’t think you can hide your blunder, because it will get out eventually, or else you’ll be forced to live with the guilt forever.
Guys, I’ve been lucky enough not to get caught in this web, but it’s sooo easy to make the mistake. Maybe a neighbor (guy) leaves for a week and his wife needs some help around the house. Ask her to leave while you’re doing your work, or refer her to a professional handyman. The fastest way out of this situation is not getting into it in the first place. Don’t be shy about making your reasons known. Tell her “I’d rather not put myself in the situation where others might question my intentions.”
Ultimately, it’s your marriage on the line, so protect it with all your heart, mind and body. Don’t let a little mistake cost you your marriage, because ultimately, your wife is your best friend.
I just wanted to say “good point”. I was unfortunately one of the people caught in this tricky web, and I’ve seen it a number of times since. It’s very easy to start out innocently, because you really don’t intend harm. It just feels good to talk to women sometimes, it’s in our blood. But this new woman seems to fill in everything your wife doesn’t, and she likes you, it’s great.
Anyway, it’s a great point, while it’s difficult I’ve found it best to say no to friendly offers of a chat, I keep work discussions on work, etc. I know I’m giving up the possibility of a good work relationship with a female, but I know what else I’d be risking if I wasn’t careful.
The biggest shame is that it’s not obvious what happens until you’ve been in the situation. After I had experience, I have warned friends about what could happen, but no one ever believes it could happen to them. Plus, when you’re high on hormones, everything seems much better. I mean, what could be wrong with harmless flirting with a friends wife, everyone knows it’s just in good fun?
Wow. That’s a letdown. I have never been in a relationship with a married man, but I do have married male friends and I like them as people. Just friends. In most of those cases, I have met or am friends with the wives as well, and I make a point of knowing them.
Yes, on a few occasions, I’ve been “alone” with them, in a public place, but it has never been anything but friendship. those types of events have been infrequent as a rule but not nonexistent.
On one occasion in college, I had to mention a friend’s wife’s name when I felt like he was getting too close, and it put him right back to where he should have been, but that was it.
No, I’m not fat, mean, or crazy, but I do value my friends, ALL OF THEM, and I would hate to essentially lose them because of someone like you.
I guess I would be better of without them anyhow, because they would lack loyalty.
You say that they “lack loyalty”. Obviously people getting divorced don’t have loyalty to each other right? I think we can agree that loyalty is due to respect between two people, and a commitment between them. Now, if you’re religious enough to think divorce shouldn’t be allowed, I won’t be able to make my point at all 🙂
Anyway, people are usually loyal because they respect and care about the other person. These friendships cause problems when your marriage has problems (and they all do at one point or another). Lets say your wife (or husband) laughs at something you care about (she says that you’re just wasting your time with that singing thing, because you’re too ugly and a bad singer to ever be really good). She has been flirting with some guy down the street, but hasn’t been physical with you for awhile. You try cooking dinner, and she says she’d rather go out to eat, as she doesn’t really feel like roasted chicken.
Now you’re upset, she doesn’t care about things that are important to you, and you don’t have much of an emotional connection to her. Your good female friend from work heard you sing at a karaoke bar, and said you were great. She always pays attention to you when you’re out at restaurants, and compliments you endlessly on everything. You mention that you cooked dinner for your wife, and she made a sighing noise and said it was incredibly romantic of you. You say that your wife didn’t care too much for it, and she is shocked, saying that she can’t imagine how someone wouldn’t appreciate such an amazing person. You’re feeling much better, but it’s feelings directed at this woman, rather than at your wife.
This is how the problem happens. Not necessarily because you’re just drawn to another person, it’s that you have a fall-back person. Instead of dealing with the issues you have with your spouse, you have someone else to fill in that emotional gap.
I got called up for the war and my wife was “befriended” by her boss’ best friend. We divorced over the affair, and they are now married.
The funny part is that everyone knows he got himself a woman proven to be unfaithful. Who want’s THAT!